Thank you for crying.

Thank you for crying.

Wow, you are 4 months old today and are absolutely smashing it Halle Cheeks!

Your start in life wasn’t the easiest. You were born at 18.51 on the 6th July weighing just 3lb 14oz. Your delivery was rushed. I really wasn’t prepared for it. We only managed to stop preterm labour for 24hrs. My contractions started again thick and fast and within an hour my waters had broken (movie style!) and I was 4cm. The plan was a natural birth for you both, but Luna had other plans and didn’t fancy being squidged. She wanted to come out the sunroof instead - fair enough! I was gutted but it was the safest for you at that stage. So be it.

It was all very quick and you were born first. My first-born daughter. You cried, YOU CRIED! Thank you for crying! It was a beautiful moment, a moment I had tried to prepare not to have. Despite last minute steroid injections to strengthen your lungs it was more likely that you’d still need help to breathe. But no, the moment you were born you gave us an idea of your strength and relief engulfed me, you were going to be ok. You made sure I knew that so I could meet your sister with peace of mind you were safe. You always did let Luna have the limelight. You’d cried and filled your own lungs for us. Luna was born just 5 minutes later while you were getting checked.

And then we met. Oh you were perfect, your eyes were glossy and open, your lips were plump and your skin was pink (pic 4). I couldn’t hold you before you were whisked off to ICU. You were in safe hands but not my hands and I longed to hold you against my skin, I couldn’t follow you as I was about to meet your sister (and there was the small issue of having no feeling from the nipples down!). I touched you for the first time at 1.20am (pic 5) and I cried. I cried tears of relief, joy, sadness, pain and pride all at once. The same tears have been cried many times since.

I couldn’t hold you as much as I wanted, I couldn’t feed you like I needed to, I couldn’t give you the start I’d imagined and yet you still continue to smash your milestones despite your prematurity. You are my inspiration and my absolute star Halle Milan. Thank you for choosing us.

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