28 days left.

28 days left.

By June we were having regular fortnightly check-ups mainly to assess any risk of pre-term labour, common of course with twin pregnancies. On the 5th of June, at one of these checks, we were given the date for Luna’s procedure. Our consultant (the same consultant from our first appointment to our last) checked the twins’ fluid, measured my cervix and said that unless something changes drastically I was low risk for pre-term labour between now and the date proposed. Wednesday 3rd of July. There it was, the date I hoped would never be announced. This was my 32 week mark. Any later and we risked going into pre-term labour, any earlier and we risked causing pre-term labour too early for Halle. What a minefield. I was petrified of the date and more so of all the days leading up to it! We had just less than a month left with Luna. 28 days left of her kicks, of her wriggles, of the daily twin wrestling matches. My Luna had 28 days left wrapped around her sister, of seeing the changes of light, of hearing me talk and sing to her, of hearing her daddy’s calming voice through his chats with my belly. 28 days left of her beautiful little life.

Getting the date killed me in all honesty. This was actually going to have to happen, it wasn’t some horrific nightmare that I would wake up from or something I could sweep under the carpet. We had to face it head on, and now that we had a date the reality of it all was excruciating, deafening in a way. But I had to get to that date. I had to get there to reduce the risk for Halle, so that Luna could have the longest life possible, and so we could have the full 28 days making memories with our babies. How could I 'enjoy' the countdown to my baby’s death? I don’t know but I certainly tried my best. One thing I did know now is that the 3rd of July could take its time to come. I wanted to soak up every minute I had left with both of my babies’ hearts beating. 28 days, the hardest 28 days of my life.

The photo here is of her posing on the 5th June. Our consultant had starting labelling with ‘Luna’ instead of ‘Twin 2’. The little things like that really mattered.

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