She wrote her own story.
On the 21st of June, a Friday, we had what turned out to be our final ‘routine’ check-up of the twins. After the usual measurements were taken we were told both babies were doing just fine but that unfortunately the fluid around Luna had increased to a point where it had become a risk factor pre-term labour. The consultant was unsure why the fluid had increased so much, perhaps it was due to Luna’s heart condition, maybe she wasn’t using the fluid to practice her breathing as much as she should, perhaps it was just coincidental. The reason didn’t really matter, it was there and had turned on all the warning lights. The consultant advised that given the change we needed to bring Luna’s procedure forwards by a week. The risk for pre-term labour was too high now. So that was it, a new date for Luna, we’d had the 3rd of July, aptly the start of the new moon, in our minds. We had (as much as was possible) come to accept that that day was coming and we were planning to do some lovely things, some more precious memory making in her final week; taking her to some more places, taking lots of bump photos, some scrummy food, lots of singing, maybe a swim...then WHACK there was that sledgehammer again, this time swung straight into pit of my stomach. The new date was the 25th June. It was now Friday and we had to say goodbye to Luna on Tuesday. 4 days left. Basically, just a long weekend. It was to be shortest long weekend ever. I felt completely robbed of that final week. I was so disappointed. Why couldn’t just one thing go the way we planned? Always a curve ball. Luna’s curve balls, she was always keeping us on edge.
I’m sure many who have been through similar ask the same questions; why me What did I do to deserve all this? But I find comfort when looking at it from a different perspective. This wasn’t ‘happening’ to me, it wasn’t the universe conspiring against me, I wasn’t being reprimanded for something I had done in the past, it wasn’t that I didn’t eat the right stuff or laid on my back too long or had my bath too hot. It was Luna. She was writing her own story, creating her own path, making up (and breaking) all the rules. And in doing so she was giving us a precious glimpse of the type of girl she was and would’ve been. Cheeky, unpredictable, spontaneous, determined, strong-willed, accepting, a troublemaker, a leader, a protector, a limelight seeker, but above all else so fucking brave. She’s the strongest, bravest, most selfless little soul and she’s mine forever. I couldn’t be prouder of her.
Ps. This was not her last curve ball!
The video on this post is part of our scan on the 21st June. An amazing moment where we could see both hearts beating on the same screen.
The photos are from today 21.06.2020, Father’s Day. I love you Wade Benn. A daddy of three you’ll always be. We protested for change for all three of our babies today.
