No choice but to choose.
So, we couldn’t wait until the 8th for some more answers, more information, more help. We called the Fetal Medical Centre and they managed to add in another consultation for us on the 25th.
Thank goodness, the indecision and not knowing if surgery was an option was killing us. I was ratty, on edge, couldn’t focus. I needed to focus. I had a business to run. I had calls to answer and clients to speak nicely to- god forbid they miss one of their weekly cleans! �� It’s funny how quickly your life can be put so perfectly into perspective. I used to take every cancellation or complaint from my business to heart, it stressed me out and made me feel like I’d failed each time it happened (after all this was all pretty new to me still). Since the 11th April, my response was so much more in line with the issue faced- someone’s cleaner hadn’t turned up- ‘oh dear, really sorry about that, would you like me to send a different one?’. The more disgruntled the client the easier I felt it was to deal with. This new perspective was a gift for sure.
After more scans, measurements and trying to make out the whispered jargon between consultants we were led to the bad news room again. It was then we first heard the words ‘not viable for surgery’ and ‘no chance of survival’. Option 1 was off the table.
This is the worst news we could’ve received on this day and yet it brought us both some peace. We still had to decide our daughter’s fate but the potential ‘what ifs’ regarding medical intervention had been taken away from us. Along with any hope I guess too. This cut deep. There was no way our girl could survive. ‘Nothing we can do for her’ they said. The realisation that we will be taking home only one of our twins after birth finally sank in and it was heavy. My heart was the heaviest it had ever been and yet still we felt we had some relief. Some relief from the burden of the elephant-in-the-room decision that only we as her parents had no choice but to choose.
Strange where we find tiny pieces of light in the dark isn’t it?
